I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses-On second thought, just let me cover your face

When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.