When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Sir, are you trying to offer me a bribe? How much

While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.