When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Sir, are you trying to offer me a bribe? How much

I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.