When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge.

You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Poverty makes people sub-human Excess of wealth makes people inhuman

Now that you're Secretary of War, what kind of an army do you think we ought to have?