You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?

I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

How would you like to feel the way she looks?

Some day there will have to be some new rules established about name-calling. I don't mean the routine cursing that goes on between husband and wife, but the naming of defenseless, unsuspecting babies.

Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America. Now he's unknown throughout the world.