You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth"

I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

Go, and never darken my towels again

There was no need to inform us of the protocol involved. We were from Chicago and knew all about cement.

Given the choice between a woman and a cigar, I will always choose the cigar.