When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth"

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.

The foods that are recommended today are as palatable as a steady diet of wet blotters.

I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago...I shot my broker.

While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!