When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth"

I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip

I am a man and you are a woman. I can't think of a better arrangement.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Hello, I must be going.

One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather!

You've forgotten those June nights at the Riviera...the night I drank Champagne from your slipper - two quarts. It would have been more but you were wearing inner soles.