Go, and never darken my towels again

Remember, the grass is always greener where you don't happen to be the neighbor.

Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water!

I know, I know - you're a woman who's had a lot of tough breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten those brakes, but you'll have to stay in the garage all night.

Policeman: "A hermit eh? Then why's your table set for four?" Groucho: "That's nothing. My alarm clock is set for eight.

Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t make you happy and this is undeniably true, but everything else being equal, it’s a lovely thing to have around the house.

If you take cranberries and stew them like apple sauce, it tastes much more like prunes than rhubarb does.