I've been around so long, I knew Doris Day before she was a virgin.

The admission fee was a viper's tongue and a half-concealed stiletto. It was a sort of intellectual slaughterhouse.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel.

While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

If he's been married for 31 years, he's not the same man.

But what makes wage slaves? Wages!