I eat like a vulture. Unfortunately the resemblance doesn't end there.

I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

Many years ago I chased a woman for almost two years, only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: we both were crazy about girls.

This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.

You call this a party? The beer is warm, the women cold and I'm hot under the collar.

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. ANOTHER VERSION I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. ANOTHER VERSION I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.