We in the industry know that behind every successful screenwriter stands a woman. And behind her stands his wife.

I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.

Blood's not thicker than money.

Now that you're Secretary of War, what kind of an army do you think we ought to have?

If they'd lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I'd settle here until the next earthquake.

You know I could rent you out as a decoy for duck hunters?

Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.