Africa is God's country, and He can have it.

A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.

But what makes wage slaves? Wages!

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth"

I am a man and you are a woman. I can't think of a better arrangement.

I'm going to Iowa for an award. Then I'm appearing at Carnegie Hall, it's sold out. Then I'm sailing to France to be honored by the French government - I'd give it all up for one erection.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.