I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.

Go, and never darken my towels again

All geniuses die young.

Remember, the grass is always greener where you don't happen to be the neighbor.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!

You're only as young as the woman you feel.