I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.

He's so full of alcohol, if you put a lighted wick in his mouth he'd burn for three days.

You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.

I've met a lot of pin-up girls, but I've never been able to pin one down

There's a man outside with a big black mustache. - Tell him I've got one.

Jail is no place for a young fellow. There's no advancement.

This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.