I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.

The only real laughter comes from despair.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.

This isn't a particularly novel observation, but the world is full of people who think they can manipulate the lives of others merely by getting a law passed.

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.