I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.

Any place I hang my head is home.

Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood

There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.

Every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.

No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.