Here lies Groucho Marx and Lies and Lies and Lies P.S. He never kissed an ugly girl.

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.

Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.

If you take cranberries and stew them like apple sauce, it tastes much more like prunes than rhubarb does.

Love had forged ahead so swiftly that in no time it had displaced agriculture as the leading industry of the period. To anyone who has tried both, this wont come as much of a surprise.

I would never join a country club with standards so low as to allow me as a member.