I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.

I think that the Peeps or Peppies or Pipes diaries would be much more popular had there been a universal pronuncation of his name.

The only real laughter comes from despair.

There was no need to inform us of the protocol involved. We were from Chicago and knew all about cement.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.