I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.

I would never join a country club with standards so low as to allow me as a member.

Policeman: "A hermit eh? Then why's your table set for four?" Groucho: "That's nothing. My alarm clock is set for eight.

This book was written in those long hours I spent waiting for my wife to get dressed to go out. And if she had never gotten dressed at all this book would never have been written.

This would be a better place for children if parents had to eat spinach.

Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood

And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!