Making love to your wife is like shooting at sitting ducks.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.

I've been looking for a girl like you - not you, but a girl like you.

Hello, I must be going.

I shall drink no #‎ wine before it's time! OK, it's time.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.