The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You've Got It Made.

When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'

Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America. Now he's unknown throughout the world.

I never go to movies where the hero's tits are bigger than the heroine's.

Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket

Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?

The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.