The Two Most Important Words In The World Are Honesty And Sincerity, If You Can Fake These You've Got It Made.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

I have an agreement with the houseflies. The flies don't practice law and I don't walk on the ceiling.

Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.)

Afraid? Me? A man who's licked his weight in wild caterpillars?

Jail is no place for a young fellow. There's no advancement.

Here lies Groucho Marx and Lies and Lies and Lies P.S. He never kissed an ugly girl.