I was born at a very early age. Before I had time to regret it, I was four and a half years old.
Clowns work as well as aspirin, but twice as fast.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar" Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change." Chico: "I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.
I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.