If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.

If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

I'm not going to pay good money to join a club that lets in people like me.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.

You've forgotten those June nights at the Riviera...the night I drank Champagne from your slipper - two quarts. It would have been more but you were wearing inner soles.