If the garbage man calls, tell him we don't want any.

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. ANOTHER VERSION I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. ANOTHER VERSION I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.

Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Ice Water? Get some Onions - that'll make your eyes water!

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

Oh, are you from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah-He used to live in whales for a while