If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.

While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water.