If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.

Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

I hate London when it's not raining.

I shall drink no #‎ wine before it's time! OK, it's time.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.