Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Since my daughter is only half-Jewish, could she go in the water up to her knees?

Hey, when I said work fast, I didn't mean your friend, I meant the maid.

That's bad luck: three on a midget. From "At The Circus

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.