Will you marry me? Do you have any money? Answer the second question first.

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!

Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.

Do they allow tipping on the boat? - Yes, sir. Have you got two fives? - Oh, yes, sir. Then you won't need the ten cents I was going to give you.

The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract-- Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.

Hey you! I told you to slow that nag down! Because of you, I almost heard the opera!