Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth"

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. ANOTHER VERSION I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. ANOTHER VERSION I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.

I'd like to meet the person who invented sex and see what they're working on now.

Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.