Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.

There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

Do they allow tipping on the boat? - Yes, sir. Have you got two fives? - Oh, yes, sir. Then you won't need the ten cents I was going to give you.

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago...I shot my broker.

The Arab and the camel are inseparable. It's been said that and Arab would give up his wife rather than give up his camel. Personally, I haven't got a camel, but I think it's a great idea.