Every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.

In France, for example, it is not unusual for a husband to have a wife and a mistress. However, if in addition to these two he's also having a fling with a fringe tootsie, both the wife and the mistress are outraged and the combination lover, husband, and cheat may well wind up with a large French bread knife between his ribs.

That's bad luck: three on a midget. From "At The Circus

You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and that's not saying much for you

Don't let the fear of the thorn keep you from the rose.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

A cigar makers organization once said that I was the most famous cigar smoker in the world. I dont know if thats true, but once while visiting Havana, I went to a cigar factory. There were four hundred people there rolling cigars, and when they saw me, they all stood up and applauded.