Every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!

I can't understand why you don't get any mail from me. Perhaps it's because I haven't been writing

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

That's bad luck: three on a midget. From "At The Circus

It's hard to get ivory in Africa, but in Alabama the Tuscaloosa