Every time someone turns on a TV, I go in the other room and read.

You are going Uruguay, and I'm going my way

Do they allow tipping on the boat? - Yes, sir. Have you got two fives? - Oh, yes, sir. Then you won't need the ten cents I was going to give you.

Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water.

Three years ago I came to Florida without a nickel in my pocket. Now I've got a nickel in my pocket

Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.

Room service? Send up a larger room.