Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself

I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book . . . The recipes were to be the routine ones: how to make dry toast, instant coffee, hearts of lettuce and brownies. But as an added attraction, at no extra charge, my idea was to put a fried egg on the cover. I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.

Do you mind if I don't smoke?

Money cannot buy you happiness, and happiness cannot buy you money. That might be a wise crack, but I doubt it.

I was born at a very early age. Before I had time to regret it, I was four and a half years old.

If he's been married for 31 years, he's not the same man.

Anyone buying this book is going to be out a tidy sum if he is sucked in by the title. I wish I could write a real sexy book that would be barred from the mails. Apparently nothing whets a reader's appetite for literature more than the news that the author has been thrown into a federal pokey for disturbing the libido of millions of Americans.