[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

I am a man and you are a woman. I can't think of a better arrangement.

One woman and one man might have been OK in your grandmother's day, but who wants to marry your grandmother? Not even your grandfather!

Whatever it is, I'm against it.

And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.