Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

Hello, I must be going.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

How would you like to feel the way she looks?

I hope they bury me near a strait man

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.