An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of bandages and adhesive tape.

Well, that covers a lot of ground. Say, you cover a lot of ground yourself. You better beat it - I hear they're going to tear you down and put up an office building where you're standing. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.

I started smoking as soon as I went on the stage. I'd make cigars out of the Morning World when I was a kid.

She's so in love with me, she doesn't know anything. That's why she's in love with me.

Do they allow tipping on the boat? - Yes, sir. Have you got two fives? - Oh, yes, sir. Then you won't need the ten cents I was going to give you.

You're only as young as the woman you feel.

You've got a goal in life. I've got a goal. Now all we need is a football team.