Oh, are you from Wales? Do you know a fella named Jonah-He used to live in whales for a while

A thing that has always baffled me about women is that they will saturate themselves with a pint of perfume, a pound of sachet powder, an evil-smelling lip rouge, a peculiar-smelling hair ointment and a half-dozen varieties of body oils, and then have the effrontery to complain of the aroma of a fine dollar cigar.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.

Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.