All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

TV is the rat race of the century.

I was going to thrash them within an inch of their lives, but I didn't have a tape measure.

We took pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. . . But we're going back next week.

Would you mind getting off that fly paper and giving the flies a chance?" "Ahhh, you can't trick me! Flies don't read papers!

You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.