The difference between a politician and a snail is that the snail leaves its slime behind. Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.

Was that you or the duck?

I was born at a very early age. Before I had time to regret it, I was four and a half years old.

Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy