I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I don't know. When I was born there was a nurse taking care of me." "What's the matter? Couldn't the nurse take care of herself?" "Sure she could. I just found that out too late.

That's bad luck: three on a midget. From "At The Circus

If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.

If they'd lower the taxes and get rid of the smog and clean up the traffic mess, I really believe I'd settle here until the next earthquake.

Hello, I must be going, I cannot stay, I came to say, I must be going. I’m glad I came, but just the same, I must be going.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.