I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.

That's nothing - my alarm clock is set for eight.

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.

The first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract as the first part of the party of the first part shall be known in this contract-- Look, why should we quarrel about a thing like this? We'll take it right out, eh?

I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.