The foods that are recommended today are as palatable as a steady diet of wet blotters.

I don't want to join the kind of a club that accepts people like me as members.

I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge.

John you say you met in an elevator. Was the elevator going up at the time, or down? This is very important, for going down in an elevator one always has that sinking feeling and for all I know you may have this confused with love. If you were going up, it is clearly a case of love at first sight.

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There's no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

With the possible exception of clothes, beauty salons and Frank Sinatra, there are few subjects all women agree upon.

Blood's not thicker than money.