I don't want to join the kind of a club that accepts people like me as members.

If women dressed for men, the stores wouldn't sell much - just an occasional sun visor.

There's only two things you can start without a plan: a riot and a family, for everything else you need a plan.

I started smoking as soon as I went on the stage. I'd make cigars out of the Morning World when I was a kid.

Policeman: "A hermit eh? Then why's your table set for four?" Groucho: "That's nothing. My alarm clock is set for eight.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

The Arab and the camel are inseparable. It's been said that and Arab would give up his wife rather than give up his camel. Personally, I haven't got a camel, but I think it's a great idea.