The difference between a politician and a snail is that the snail leaves its slime behind. Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
The admission fee was a viper's tongue and a half-concealed stiletto. It was a sort of intellectual slaughterhouse.
I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
Clowns work as well as aspirin, but twice as fast.