I'd have liked to have gone to bed with Jean Harlow. She was a beautiful broad. The fellow who married her was impotent and he killed himself. I would have done the same thing.

Jail is no place for a young fellow. There's no advancement.

If it gets any hotter in here I could use a big fan.

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.

Madam, you're making history, in fact, you're making me, and I wish you'd keep my hands to yourself

Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy.

If we had some eggs we could have eggs and ham, if we had some ham.