I'd have liked to have gone to bed with Jean Harlow. She was a beautiful broad. The fellow who married her was impotent and he killed himself. I would have done the same thing.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it

I hate London when it's not raining.

Groucho: You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world? Woman: Really? Groucho: No, but I don't mind lying if it gets me somewhere.

Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t make you happy and this is undeniably true, but everything else being equal, it’s a lovely thing to have around the house.

I am a man and you are a woman. I can't think of a better arrangement.