I'd have liked to have gone to bed with Jean Harlow. She was a beautiful broad. The fellow who married her was impotent and he killed himself. I would have done the same thing.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth"

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet!

I think women are sexy when they got some clothes on. And if later they take them off then you've triumphed. Somebody once said it's what you dont see you're interested in, and this is true.

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.