I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Celebrate the cracks, because that's how the light comes in.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

I think that the Peeps or Peppies or Pipes diaries would be much more popular had there been a universal pronuncation of his name.

I'm gonna put extra blankets, free, in all your rooms, and there'll be no cover charge.

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook.

Humor is reason gone mad.