The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.

I think you've got something there, but I'll wait outside until you clean it up.

If income tax is the price you have to pay to keep the government on its feet, alimony is the price we have to pay for sweeping a woman off hers.

There was no need to inform us of the protocol involved. We were from Chicago and knew all about cement.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the worst about Hollywood