The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.

There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.

I've known and respected your husband for many years, and what's good enough for him is good enough for me

Do they allow tipping on the boat? - Yes, sir. Have you got two fives? - Oh, yes, sir. Then you won't need the ten cents I was going to give you.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

If he's been married for 31 years, he's not the same man.

Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put "Emily, I love you" on the back of the bill.