I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.

Groucho: You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world? Woman: Really? Groucho: No, but I don't mind lying if it gets me somewhere.

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.

A moose is an animal with horns on the front of its head and a hunting lodge wall on the back of it

Go, and never darken my towels again

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.