I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.

There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.

If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.

I am a man and you are a woman. I can't think of a better arrangement.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!

There's a man outside with a big black mustache. - Tell him I've got one.