I made a killing on Wall Street a few years ago...I shot my broker.

Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.

Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar" Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change." Chico: "I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

Take two turkeys, one goose, four cabbages, but no duck, and mix them together. After one taste, you'll duck soup for the rest of your life