A woman can smell mink through six inches of lead.

I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.

Any place I hang my head is home.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

When discovered by his wife, kissing the maid, Groucho said, "I was just whispering in her mouth"

Groucho: You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world? Woman: Really? Groucho: No, but I don't mind lying if it gets me somewhere.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.