My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

There's one thing I always wanted to do before I quit... Retire!

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. ANOTHER VERSION I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. ANOTHER VERSION I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go in the other room and read a book.