My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!

I did toy with the idea of doing a cook-book. . . . I think a lot of people who hate literature but love fried eggs would buy it if the price was right.

Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy

That's bad luck: three on a midget. From "At The Circus

Wages? You want to be wage slaves? Answer me that! Of course not. What is it that makes wage slaves? Wages! I want you to be free. Strike off your chains! Strike up the band! Strike three you're out! Remember, there's nothing like Liberty, except Colliers and The Saturday Evening Post. Be free, now and forever. One and individual. One for all and all for me, and tea for two and six for a quarter.

All geniuses die young.