I write by ear. I tried writing with the typewriter, but I found it too unwieldy

When I invite a woman to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay.

But what makes wage slaves? Wages!

You get a canoe later and I'll paddle you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open.

When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun.'