You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.

Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.

If you are not having fun you are doing something wrong.

Any place I hang my head is home.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

No, Groucho is not my real name. I am breaking it in for a friend.

The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around. If you write about someone else, you can stretch the truth from here to Finland. If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.