Heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns

You bet I'm shy. I'm a shyster lawyer.

Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.

Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman. Then if you can get the dog to go somewhere and read the book, I might have a little fun.

Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.