Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

I'll teach you to kick me...' You don't need to teach me--I already know how!

Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

Today's Father Day and we're giving you a tie, it's not much you know, it's just our way of showing you, you're a regular guy.

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.