Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.

I started smoking as soon as I went on the stage. I'd make cigars out of the Morning World when I was a kid.

TV is the rat race of the century.

Chico: "Here's the book, it's a dollar" Groucho: "Here's a ten, and shoot the change." Chico: "I don't have change I'd have to give you nine more books.

Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.

He thinks I look alike!

My plans are still in embryo, a town on the edge of wishful thinking.