Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.

I love to read. My education is self-inflicted

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

I'll never forget my wedding day... they threw vitamin pills

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

You're only as young as the woman you feel.

Well, that covers a lot of ground. Say, you cover a lot of ground yourself. You better beat it - I hear they're going to tear you down and put up an office building where you're standing. You can leave in a taxi. If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff. If that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff. You know, you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle.