Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.

And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I started smoking as soon as I went on the stage. I'd make cigars out of the Morning World when I was a kid.

In France, for example, it is not unusual for a husband to have a wife and a mistress. However, if in addition to these two he's also having a fling with a fringe tootsie, both the wife and the mistress are outraged and the combination lover, husband, and cheat may well wind up with a large French bread knife between his ribs.

If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.

I shall drink no #‎ wine before it's time! OK, it's time.