As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.

I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.

Obviously there was no point in being a bachelor if his houseman was going to filch his booze. If he was going to get robbed, he might just as well get married.

If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.

Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.