Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

I started smoking as soon as I went on the stage. I'd make cigars out of the Morning World when I was a kid.

You're only as young as the woman you feel.

Remember men, you are fighting for the ladies honor, which is probably more than she ever did.

Comedians are a much rarer and far more valuable commodity than all the gold and precious stones in the world.