I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

He thinks I look alike!

Don’t ever underestimate the importance of money. I know it’s often been said that money won’t make you happy and this is undeniably true, but everything else being equal, it’s a lovely thing to have around the house.

I met my wife on a ferry boat, and when we landed she gave me the slip

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

All geniuses die young.