No girl who is going to marry need bother to win a college degree; she just naturally becomes a "Master of Arts" and a "Doctor of Philosophy" after catering to an ordinary man for a few years.

Love will never be ideal until man recovers from the illusion that he can be just a little bit faithful or a little bit married.

Life begins at 40 - but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.

Love: woman's eternal spring and man's eternal fall.

What a man calls his 'conscience' is merely the mental action that follows a sentimental reaction after too much wine or love.

Marriage is a bargain, and somebody has to get the worst end of the bargain.

A good woman is known by what she does; a good man by what he doesn't.