Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

There were three kids in my family. One of each sex.

Two Polish men at Halloween with burned faces. What happened? They were bobbing for french fries.

How do Polish people spell farm? E-I-E-I-O

The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet. A nail.

All my wife does is shop - once she was sick for a week, and three stores went under.