Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!" I told her, "You did it last week!"

If, as the scientist say, sex is such a driving force, why is so much of it nowadays found parked?

Old teachers never die, they just grade away.

I was walking down the street, and I found a man's hand in my pocket. I asked, "What do you want?" "A match" "Why didn't you ask me?" "I don't talk to strangers."

My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window!